?

Log in

meow   
10:23pm 22/06/2006
  meow  
     Read 2 - Post
 
meow   
10:25pm 20/06/2006
  My mood changes drastically and too much
maybe it's the DXM use
maybe the weird sleep patterns
maybe the caffeine + cigarettes + little amounts of food.
I'm equally at home drinking in parking garages with 16 year old punks and hanging out with 30-40 year old goths...
I'm doomed to be alone? But people... they are so shallow and strange.
I want to escape somewhere from myself?
is it logical at all
my interactions grow more and more theatrical and fake
i have no feelings
no soul
I'm pretty and vacant
I'm not sad
I'm just not there
I watch a movie a day - escape into pretty cinema worlds...

hah I get complimented on my looks almost everyday ( and often a few times a day)
vanity vanity
 
     Read 4 - Post
 
JA BLAH BLAH   
02:24am 17/05/2006
 

hair dyed this way
I want grow it real long
Long flowing mane of hair will suit me
I love my exhibitionist nature
I can dress in the most insane shit and get whipped in front of people.
Yet I'm murderously shy when it comes to telling a girl I like her...
Constant need for attention and fear of rejection = me
I know so many people but not that close to anyone
I also like leading people on
Anniying at work when people say "does your girlfriend like your hair,you must get all the girls etc." my flirty charming nature hides the void inside
Kinda adderolled now.
3 more exams then no more skool for months.
Summer = work( TJ Maxx, employed there a year now) + concerts +occasional drug use + beating Doom III+ movies + perhaps looking for a female
I'm also going to Jerusalem with an Orthodox church group for 2 weeks
OLD PEOPLE YAY! people my age = annoying
I can fake religiousness so well...
mother + siblings going to russia for summer
house to me + stepdad
however the house will be expanded so YAY HISPANIC WORKERS
I'm not being racist but construction around me is all done by hispanics
I tend to be not politically correct (like my mother, we are so damn simular)but I am more acceptant that many of those damn liberal kids who protest for immigrant rights but are afraid of the part of town those people live.
 
     Read 5 - Post
 
so I have not updated in forever   
12:04pm 21/04/2006
 
mood: content
new variety of things for the nipples
not the sharpest photos but meh
http://s42.photobucket.com/albums/e314/Vatslav/?action=view¤t=nipples.jpg
I have blue ones like the orange ones
both glow in the dark
the blue long things are crocodiles if you can't tell
 
     Read 4 - Post
 
soo   
12:27am 18/03/2006
 
mood: indescribable
seen immortal technique at UMD with Alee + Daniella
I got immortal technique t0 sign a shirt for me + dollar for Daniella
Alee has pretty cool hair now
undercut yay

I quit smoking like 47 hrs ago
weird feeling of something missing
Need to be less insecure...but risk I being too open?
I might end up with a girlfriend perhaps
 
     Read 7 - Post
 
CUZ IT'S HOT   
11:46am 24/02/2006
 
mood: bouncy
Went to se My life with the thril kill kult + Mindless Faith + Cylab
Got a free wind up doll from the movie nightwatch
ran into Kasty + friends joined em
Rubbed the bald head of the guy in Mindless Faith
Cylab did not know how to match... Their vinyl stuff matched but they had some annoying differences, the Keyboardist had leather pants, and the drummer had shiny silver shoes. That ruins a red + black vinyl theme.
I guessed right about something Village Peopleish about them. There were YMCAish hand movements...
TKK had a light up Jesus on their keyboard.
Did not see full TKK set cuz of metro
Shady hispanic male in his 40s tried to get me to go home and get fucked by him
He was with his elderly father
He gave me like 20 Klonopins...
Works in a clinic here is his phone # 202-257-0818
ask for JOSE and tell him to stop trying to drug and fuck young males
 
     Read 2 - Post
 
Black Tea   
12:19pm 18/02/2006
 
mood: amused
lots of sugary black tea on an empty stomach makes you puke... I know it I still do it. The release from nausea is pleasant. Damned masochist...
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
Pain + Numbness   
02:07pm 16/02/2006
 
mood: nostalgic
Went to Nate's Memorial.
So sad to see his parents, siblings, and grandmother.
The grandmother was so devastated.
Many kids showed up.
Mostly drug users.
Scott Blum was there heh.
I know I had tears in my eyes as did many.
Wesley, Bryan, Eddie, Blain, Graham, Hannah, Annika, Omarri,+ others went down to the tracks+ drank 40s.Made a small fire. Watched a train go by , scary made my stomach drop.
Went to 7-11. Ran into Cammy's ex, Sean in Mcdonalds. His hair is gay.
Cops were called by the train but Wes+ others who stayed at the tracks were not arrested.
Went to graham's smoked up...
left around 1:30 AM
wandered till 4:40 AM till metro was open. Went to the tracks alone, took photos.
 
     Read 2 - Post
 
Nate we had good times together...   
08:35pm 11/02/2006
 
mood: pissed off
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/20469149/ Nate this summer

its me lunchbox: yo did u hear what happend to nate
Ficknein69: no
its me lunchbox: he got hit by a train
its me lunchbox: and died
its me lunchbox: like 3 days ago
Ficknein69: WHAT?
its me lunchbox: yah
Ficknein69: fucked up
its me lunchbox: under the 16th st bridge
its me lunchbox: eddie called me and told me todau
Ficknein69: we need a fuckin memorial down there
Ficknein69: any idea?
Ficknein69: was he high?
its me lunchbox: either someone robbed him and killed him, he committed suicide, or it was a fucked up accident

losing old friends FUCK
Nate was so easy-going and fun. He made us smile. Our crazy DXM parties at Bryan's... Last time I seen him was in november when I gave him + Eddie + Toby a ride...I will never see him again.


A man was killed early Friday morning when he was struck by a freight train near the 16th Street bridge in Silver Spring, according to Montgomery County Police.

Police say the conductor of the freight train, which was headed to Washington, D.C., saw the man on the tracks facing the oncoming train about 12:58 a.m. and attempted to stop, but was unable to do so. The conductor then called police and Montgomery County Fire and Rescue Service.
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
00   
04:32am 05/02/2006
 
mood: weird
lj us easier when mind is fucked
600mg dxm no big deal at 2 am
at 4 am you feel the damage done
listening to a psychodelic west african cd
dissociative drugs rape the soul well
I drift away
absurd
going to cut hair into deathhawk on mon
I feel utter disconnect from humanity
rules
noise
rules
noise
techno
train
started using myspace again
My myspace URL:
http://www.myspace.com/vatslav
if you find fault in grammar etc here is how it could have looked like : "Iam barslav hate you dstupid fukcers so plz fo to hell kkk motherfuckerrt"
high dex tolerance i.e. not typing in klingon
tech+ drugs = sick marriage that can be enjoyed
I had such a pretty depression weeks back I want that nice imagery back in my brain.
personal life? Me + das computer heh..
classes + w3rk set enabling me to go Tomb mondays + Alchemy thursdays
I don't drink dancing to 80s muzik while chainsmoking is my poison

i function too well on limited sleep and poison in my blood heh
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
02:04am 31/01/2006
 
Your Birthdate: December 10

Independent and dominant, you tend to be the alpha dog in most situations.
You're very confident, and hardly anything ever shakes you.
Mundane tasks tend to drain you - you prefer to be making great plans.
You are quite original. When people don't "get" you, it bothers you a lot.

Your strength: Your ability to gain respect

Your weakness: Caring too much what others think

Your power color: Orange-red

Your power symbol: Letter X

Your power month: October
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
01:17am 31/01/2006
 
mood: complacent
THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1.)Vatslav
2.)Slav
3.)Vashek

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1.)FickNein
2.)FickNein69
3.)Vatdog

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My hair
2. My eyes
3. My crudely pierced nipples

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My facial hair being not symetrical enough
2. Bad eyesight
3. My fingernails

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Polish
2. Russian
3. Italian

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being locked in a box
2. People with mental ilnesses
3. My mother

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. caffeinated sugar water
2. cigarettes
3. gum

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. beat up tight blue jeans
2. Shirt with british flag
3. Orthodox Crucifix

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. Depeche Mode
2. Kino
3. Peter Murhpy

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS:
1. Slaves to Passion ~ De-Vision
2. Virus ~ KMFDM
3. Enjoy the Silence ~ Depeche Mode

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Control
2. Honesty
3. Intellectual stimulation

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
1. I love talking to strangers
2. I am sXe
3. I love DC
THREE THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Hair
2. Intelligence
3. Playful violence

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Photography
2. Wandering
3. Clothes

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Beat someone senseless
2. Be in someone's arms while on E
3. Marry rich

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. History guy on TV
2. Fascist Revolutionary
3. Model

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Austria
2. Germany
3. The Ukraine

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE: (girls/boys)
1. Klaus
2. Rodion
3. Wilhemina

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be famous
2. Have political power
3. Build myself a pretty tomb

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. I don't notice if you slighlty re-dyed your hair...
2. I see violence as the most manly solution
3. I'm quite annoying yet ready to do anything if I like you

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
1. I love shopping.
2. I can talk about /look at at clothes endlesly
3. I can't just pass by a mirror.

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
1. Nina Hagen
2. Winona Ryder
3. Siouxsie Sioux
 
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
12:36pm 17/01/2006
  SSFS visit moved to Thursday
college stuff has to be dealt with today
 
     Post
 
so   
05:39am 17/01/2006
 
mood: busy
Going back to old high school today (SSFS).
Been feeling rather lonely but way too apathetic/disgusted with people to anything.
People bore me. Can't stand just to end up smoking pot + eating + watching TV. When I try to get people to anything interesting (watching a strange movie or trying to create something) I am too often met with opposition.
I do not really concern myself with fixing/changing things in my life. I seek to distract myself and others from reality. People can complain about relationship troubles or not knowing their place in life. I avoid that, I exist for the next distraction... I shall entertain and be entertained and feelings are just based on chemicals in the brain and shall have to be ignored.
once school starts hitting up more goth clubs etc. , have not danced in way too long.
Writing a paper right now...

seen alee on sat
walked with her to get hairdye
then i slit her throat and painted my face in her blood
after that i dressed up her skin so if you see alee tis actually me
 
     Read 3 - Post
 
Not much to say   
09:40pm 27/12/2005
 
mood: gloomy
Existence continues.
Not really anyone I want to see.
Well Marina, but she is quite far away.
Always nice to recieve her e-mail when dreadfully intoxicated, much more emotional reaction.

So let's rain down with statistics and numbers in general again.
1 week free of Marijuana
2 days free of DXM + Alcohol...
250 gig = my new external harddrive
$150 = my monetary assets at the moment, not counting 2 paychecks I need to pick up...
5,000 = around how many songs I have on my computer
3 years = last time I kissed a girl not counting an awkward kiss on the forehead


Hair needs to get longer.
I love those psychodelic windows media player things.
Need to dig out the Sartre amd Camus and drown in existentialism.
 
     Read 5 - Post
 
s   
09:39pm 27/12/2005
 
mood: gloomy
Not much to say
 
     Post
 
kjhgt!   
02:17am 24/12/2005
 
mood: contemplative
250 gig external harddrive $190
my present to me
going to cut down on cigarettes since i'll be around mutter all day when i'm not at work...
planning on not going out and tranferring SNES games to laptop
oh glory be in social isolation
nyquil is shit now without pseudoephedrine , with doxylamine it just knocks me out
stupid war on meth...
need to visit good ol SSFS sometime in january
 
     Read 2 - Post
 
Politics   
02:30am 17/12/2005
 
mood: calm
my brief views on things political

abortion = murder... I support a clear minded right to choose, acknowledge the murder and choose it if you can.
pro-marriage - father a child and be forced to marry.
Jail should not be a place to earn degrees etc... Work camps are needed. Shorter sentences/harsher conditions.
AIDS - made illegal,test entire population, quarantine and destroy . cruel but more effective
All drugs legalized. You have a right to your own demise. Once you touch others then the law takes over...
Pedophiles = drawn and quartered publicly. More Public punishment. Executions should not be humane for inhumane crimes.
Only police should hold guns/ violators shall be shot on the spot.
Men and women are different. Cultures are different.
homosexuality = deviancy ... deviates from the norm, only purpose for the specie is population control.
marijuana = not harmless, it is addictive
personal freedom = the right to waste time...
I want a benevolent authoritarian state

oh, I don't argue with people who's views I despise
 
     Read 6 - Post
 
update   
03:36am 15/12/2005
 
mood: calm
www.vatslav.deviantart.com
new colorizations etc.
Marijuana does allow creative pursuits that would otherwise lose my attention to instead become compulsive
women(customers) at w3rk kept saying what great hair I have... aww
tis getting longer yay
don't feel like shaving anytime soon
 
     Read 1 - Post
 
LAY-Z journal partially in form of AIM CONVO   
01:33am 09/12/2005
 
mood: amused
Children of Bodom sold out. i.e. "Hi Susie, Bye Susie"

Ficknein69: hah seen gene loves jezebel acoustic show at nation
industrialxchica: how was that?
Ficknein69: i.e drunken british stand up with some music
industrialxchica: hehehe
Ficknein69: guitarist: "what's the difference between the vagina and the asshole, less than an inch" singer: "where is the nearest vagina, 6 ft? I'd say about 6 ft".
Ficknein69: "you know america has an edge in the special olympics now with the war in Iraq"
industrialxchica: lmao
Ficknein69: and constant making fun of canada
industrialxchica: that's pretty...wow
industrialxchica: canadians in the audience must have been offended.
Ficknein69: string broke so "no more guitar solos now"
industrialxchica: oh wait, canadians in maryland? wtf!
industrialxchica: aww
Ficknein69: some guy kept getting them drinks :-)
industrialxchica: heh
Ficknein69: music litrally stopped for almost 10 min for cheesy jokes
Ficknein69: "what do you call a bassist without a girlfriend? Homeless!"
Ficknein69: and etc.
 
     Read 5 - Post